Heart of the Home NZ

love = respect

2011-10-17T12:07:00.000+13:00

from the devotional book "The Excellent Wife Day by Day" by Karen Eiler

Week 2, Day 4
My daughter's roommate was having lunch with some friends, and the discussion turned to relationships. Emily asked the guys this question: Would you rather be loved or respected? Her friend Malachi said, "I don't get it. What's the difference?"

It may surprise you to learn that your husband would be equally confused by this question. The truth is that, when it comes to their wives, guys have love and respect so inextricably linked in their minds, there is no real difference. If they separate the two concepts, they'll almost always choose respect over love. Yes, it's that important! Most men would rather be respected than loved by their wives. In fact, if your husband thinks you don't respect him, he is going to feel you don't love him.

There are many reasons to respect your husband and many benefits to the wife who consistently demonstrates respect. Of course you should do it because its commanded, but let's just take the word should out of the equation. I'm assuming you love your husband and, because you love him, you want to do him "good and not evil all the days of [your] life" (Proverbs 31:12). If that is the case, then you need to understand that the best thing you can do for him is to respect him. That is the how of love; loving your guy the way he wants to be loved means making sure he knows, beyond all doubt, that you respect him.

In Ephesians 5:33, God commands you to respect your husband. He is the only One who knows how you can best show love to your husband by showing him respect. If you're struggling in your marriage, respect is likely one of the culprits. If you're struggling with loving your husband, then learning to respect him will help you grow in your love for him.

You can buy this book at Christian Books by clicking HERE

Cultivating Humility

2010-07-29T19:40:00.002+12:00

Recently Nige and I have been reading together a book called A Gospel Primer for Christians by Milton Vincent and wanted to share the following short chapter:

"According to Scripture, God deliberately designed the gospel in such a way so as to strip me of pride and leave me without any grounds for boasting in myself whatsoever (Ephesians 2:8-9; 1 Corinthians 1:27-29). This is actually a wonderful mercy from God, for pride is at the root of all my sin. Pride produced the first sin in the Garden (Genesis 3:4-6), and pride always precedes every sinful stumbling in my life (Proverbs 16:18). Therefore, if I am to experience deliverance from sin, then I must be delivered from the pride that produces it. Thankfully, the gospel is engineered to accomplish this deliverance.

Preaching the gospel to myself each day mounts a powerful assault against my pride and serves to establish humility in its place. Nothing suffocates my pride more than daily reminders regarding the glory of my God, the gravity of my sins, and the crucifixion of God's own Son in my place. Also, the gracious love of God, lavished on me because of Christ's death, is always humbling to remember, especially when viewed again the backdrop of the Hell I deserve.

Pride wilts in the atmosphere of the gospel; and the more pride is mortified within me, the less frequent are my moments of sinful contention with God and with others (Proverbs 13:10). Conversely, humility grows lushly in the atmosphere of the gospel, and the more humility flourishes within me, the more I experience God's grace (James 4:6) along with the strengthening His grace provides (Hebrews 13:9). Additionally, such humility intensifies my passion for God and causes my heart increasingly to thrill whenever He is praised (Psalm 34:2)."

This book, The Gospel Primer, can be purchased from Gracebooks NZ.

The Mother Who . . . Prays

2008-08-29T11:30:00.004+12:00

Here is a chapter from the book, The Mother Who Seeks After God - Daily Devotions for Busy Mums by Laura Martin (Christian Focus Publications).

This book is not only great for busy mums, but also for any Christian woman.

The Lord is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous.
Proverbs 15:29

Have you ever considered the reality of Proverbs 15:29? The Lord, the Creator of the universe, the Almighty and Sovereign God actually listens to our prayers. Wow! Does that change anything for you with regard to your prayer life? It certainly does for me. In fact, it makes me feel more urgency in my need to "pray continually" (1 Thess. 5:17). Not pray literally twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. That's impossible. But certainly it does mean that we are to pray persistently and regularly.

As mothers we have an awesome responsibility to pray for our children. For their safety and wellbeing, for their salvation, their spiritual maturity and growth, their respect and awe of God, their hunger for biblical truth, their education, their futures, possible future spouses and children. Actually, maybe we do need to pray continually just to cover all of that! Suddenly prayer seems overwhelming. Before we know it we have allowed our prayer time to be one of those activities that we know we should be doing but which seem too hard and time-consuming and overwhelming.

Sound familiar? Dear mother, prayer is an absolute necessity in our lives and for the lives of those we pray for. Let's look together at some truths about prayer which will reignite our passion for prayer.

1. God is pleased by our prayer
Proverbs 15:8 says, "The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked but the prayer of the upright pleases him." When we pray as God would have us pray, with a pure heart, honestly seeking after His will for all of our requests, it pleases God. So when we pray for our child's salvation, it pleases God. In fact, the New King James Bible uses the word "delight" instead of "pleases". Doesn't it delight you to know that by praying with a pure heart, you delight Him?

2. God answers prayer
"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24
Do you know what it is to ask in Jesus' name? It is to ask for whatever is within the will and purpose of Jesus in a person's life. So when we end our prayer by saying "In Jesus' name" we are really saying "Because it is in accordance with Jesus' will." Isn't that an encouragement! God will only answer prayer if it is in accordance with what Jesus wills for a person.

3. God uses prayer for our growth
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." James 1:5-6
These verses are just one example of how God uses prayer to grow us in qualities needed to be more like Him. Have you ever thought about the qualities prayer develops? Here are a few: Perseverance, patience, humility, hunger for the truth and knowledge of God's will, reliance on God and not on others. Wow! Let's get praying!

4. God uses prayer to comfort us
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

These are just a few examples of the comfort we receive from God through prayer.

Prayer really is more than just a quick, one-sided conversation with God, isn't it? It's about relationship. A relationship which not only involves us and God, but also the ones we pray for. Prayer is a rich gift to give but the rewards we reap from praying are even richer!

Laura's book can be purchased from Grace to You NZ on http://www.gracebooks.co.nz/

Prayer Organisation Part II

2008-08-05T19:45:00.002+12:00

by Emilie Barnes

Why Pray?
A. We pray because our Lord prayed: "He walked away, perhaps a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed this prayer: 'Father, if you are willing, please take away this cup of horror from me. But I want your will, not mine.' Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthen him, for he was in such agony of spirit that he broke into a sweat of blood, with great drops failing to the ground as he prayed more and more earnestly. At last he stood up again and returned to the disciples - only to find them asleep, exhausted from grief" (Luke 22:41-45).
B. Prayer gives us the opportunity for confession.
C. Prayer brings discipline to our lives.
D. Prayer drawers us closer to our Lord.
E. Praying for others keeps us from selfishness.
F. Prayer helps us to love those we have difficulty loving.
G. Prayer keeps us from disobedience to God and temptations. "God . . . will provide the way of escape." (1 Corinthians 10:13, NASB)
"Pray God that you will not fall when you are tempted." (Luke 22:46)

How to Pray
"He knelt down and began to pray." (Luke 22:41, NASB)
A. "Don't recite the same prayer over and over as the heathen do, who think prayers are answered only by repeating them again and again. Remember, your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!" (Matthew 6:7-8).
B. A Helpful Reminder:
A - Adore God
C - Confess to God
T - Thank God for everything
S - Supplication and submission unto God
C. "Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it shall be opened" (Matthew 7:7-8, NASB)

What to Pray For

A. Make a list of all needs:
* Family (children, in-laws etc)
* Personal (finances, problems)
* Friends
* Church (pastor and his family, church leaders)
* Country (city, primeminister, etc)
* School (teachers, principal, students)
* Husband (work, etc)
* Self (home, anger, organising, etc)
* Missionaries

Delegate the above to a day of the week, Monday through Saturday (use tabs).
B. Sunday's tab will be used for sermon outlines and prayer requests.
1. Prayer requests will be added to the above categories.
2. Date prayer requests and date God's answers. Answers may be "wait" ("not now"), "no", or "yes". Always give thanks.
C. Let the children give prayer requests. "All things you ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive" (Matthew 21:22, NASB)

When to Pray
* Morning
* Noon
* Evening
* Meals
* Bedtime

Where to Pray
"When you pray, go into your inner room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees in secret will repay you." (Matthew 6:6, NASB)
A. Home - in the closet; while doing dishes, vacuuming, cleaning
B. In the car, while jogging, exercising, walking
C. With others - "Where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst" (Matthew 18:20, NASB)
1. Bible study groups
2. Women's prayer groups
3. With a girlfriend
4. On the phone with a friend

Wish Prayers
A. God already knows the desires of our hearts, and He wants us to ask Him for them. It's the attitude about those things that He is concerned about.
B. Check yourself by saying, "Lord, if it wouldn't be good for me to have this, then I really don't want it. But if it would be okay with You, I'll be very grateful and use it for Your glory."
C. Be prepared - God always answers. It may be an immediate "yes", a "wait awhile", an absolute "no," or "the timing is not right at present." Record these answers in your notebook by the item, and allow God to work in your life with His love in giving you what's best for your life. Remember to thank Him in all things. "Always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Ephesians 5:20, NASB).

Prayer Organisation

2008-08-04T22:41:00.002+12:00

by Emilie Barnes

Admit your faults to one another

and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16

Some of you may not have a prayer life at all. Others of you may have a very vital prayer life. Some of you want to have a prayer life but are fumbling with it because you don’t know how to incorporate it into your life or how to organise it. I was once in that position. I was fumbling in my prayer life because I didn’t know the steps to take. That’s what we want to discuss now – some steps to take in order to set up a prayer notebook and to organise our prayer life.

God is always with us. When the times are the lowest, that’s when He picks us up and carries us. Isn’t that wonderful? Some of us have experienced that. Some of us right now are in a position where we’re being carried through a rough situation or problem in our life. It’s wonderful to know that we have our Lord there in order to carry us when times get low and things get rough.

Often we don’t take the necessary time with our Lord in prayer and communication. But do you know what? He loves us anyway. He loves us unconditionally. And that’s why we need to pull together some type of system in our lives where we can spend valuable time in prayer. It doesn’t have to be long, either. Sometimes we get turned off because we feel it takes so much time, but it doesn’t have to be long.

How to Get Started
As with everything else, we need the proper tools and materials. I would recommend a small notebook, perhaps a small ring binder. Get some coloured tabs, some paper, some dividers, and a pen.

Be sure to have your Bible handy. Sometimes you may want to do a little Bible study with yourself as you go into your prayer time, so it’s always nice to have your Bible with you. As I pray, I find that many times God reveals something to me in His Word. If I’m praying for someone, I sometimes feel really impressed to drop that person a note and tell him I’m praying for him, supporting him. At times like this I like to be able to give a Bible verse, so it’s nice to have my Bible close by.

Colossians 4:2 (NASB) says that we are to “devote [ourselves] to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving.” Our attitude as we come to the Lord should be one of thanksgiving. Christ is waiting for us. His attitude toward us is love. And our attitude in return should be one of thanksgiving.

The Blessings of Loving My Children - Part II

2007-04-10T11:14:00.001+12:00

Our Highest Objective
What is the ultimate purpose of a phileo kind of love? It is nothing less than the salvation of our children’s souls. This is the chief end of mothering. Our goal is not that our children be happy, fulfilled, and successful. Granted, we may desire these things for them. But our highest objective should be that our children would repent from their sins, put their trust in Jesus Christ, and reflect the gospel to the world around them.

J. C. Ryle offered the following admonition:

This is the thought that should be uppermost on your mind in all you do for your children. In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that might question, “How will this affect their souls?”
. . . the chief end of [their lives] is the salvation of [their] soul[s].

While the salvation of our children is our highest aim, our tender love is not sufficient for this task. Only the Holy Spirit is able to reveal the truth of the gospel. However, our tender love can be an instrument in God’s hands. I am convinced that no one has more potential to influence our children to receive and reflect the gospel than we do as mothers. John Angell James in Female Piety illustrated this very point.

As a pastoral conference, held not long since, at which about one hundred and twenty American clergymen, united in the bonds of a common faith, were assembled, each was invited to state the human instrumentality to which, under the Divine blessing, he attributed a change of heart. How many of these, think you, gave the honour of it to their mother? Of one hundred and twenty, above one hundred! Here then are facts, which are only selected from myriads of others, to prove a mother’s power, and to demonstrate at the same time her responsibility.

What great privilege could we possibly have in all the world than to lead our children to the Lord? Let us not for one moment underestimate the power of a tender love.

Grave Responsibility, Greater Grace
No one needs to remind us that it is an enormous responsibility to be a mother. How well we know it! One woman expresses it this way:

I seldom feel like much of an adventurer – standing in this kitchen, pouring cereal into bowls, refilling them, handing out paper towels when the inevitable cry comes: “Uh oh. I spilled.” But sometimes at night the thought will strike me: There are three small people here, breathing sweetly in their beds, whose lives are for the moment in our hands. I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot, the mission is so grave and vast.

Though the mission is grave and vast, God’s grace is greater. He kindly reminds us in His Word: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).

So if today you missed opportunities to show a tender love, or if you neglected to pray for your children, or if you were impatient with them, and even if you lost your smile and feel like a complete failure as a mother – take heart!

God’s grace is sufficient for you. Look to the cross where Christ died. There He purchased forgiveness for our sins and power to grow in godliness. Not one of us is equal to this task of mothering, but He will help us in our weakness. God will provide all the grace we need to love our children tenderly.

by Carolyn Mahaney
Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother

The Blessings of Loving My Children - Part I

2006-11-14T11:33:00.000+13:00

Number Our Days
Let’s seize the opportunity we have right now to love our children with a phileo kind of love. Though it is easy to become distracted by the constant demands of motherhood, we must not lose sight of this fact: Our children are only young for a very brief time.

When my girls were little, it wasn’t always easy for me to wake up for those 2:00 am feedings. Loneliness sometimes crept in when I missed an activity in order to put them to bed on time. I was eager to get them potty-trained and be done with the dirty diaper routine. Some days it felt as if that season would never end.

But frequently on trips to the grocery store a grandmother would stop to admire my little ones and leave me with this admonition: “Honey, enjoy them now because the grow up so quickly.”

How right those women were!

I was keenly aware of the fleetingness of childhood when my son Chad was born. At the time of his birth, Nicole was sixteen, Kristin was fifteen, and Janelle was eleven. By now experience had taught me to treasure each moment, for I knew he wouldn’t stay small very long.

The challenges of mothering seemed altogether insignificant this time around. Middle-of-the-night feedings weren’t drudgery. I hardly gave a moment’s thought to missing an activity. I certainly wasn’t in a hurry to potty-train my son. In fact, much to the chagrin of my three daughters, I did not tend to that task until he was almost four years old. (By that time, it only took one day to train him!)

Moms, you may be up to your earlobes with babies and dirty diapers. Or you may be spending half your life in the car, driving your children to and from numerous activities. In whatever stage of motherhood you find yourself, may I remind you of something? It won’t last for very long.

Katrina Kenison observes how swiftly children grow up:

Just when I figure out how to mother a kindergartner, it seems, I have a first-grader standing before me instead. I have just learned how to love and live with a nine-year old when the nine-year old vanishes, leaving a preadolescent in his place. They don’t stay still long enough for me to have my fill of them ever, at any stage. “Stop!” I want to shout. “Let’s just do it this way for a while, let’s stay right here.” But the movement is inexorable – up and out, away, into the future.

In Psalm 90 Moses depicted the reality of the brevity of life. He compared our lives to a watch in the night, a dream, grass that flourishes and then fades – all brief and fleeting images. Then he prayed this way: “So teach us to number our days” (v12).

Have you numbered your days lately? If we pause to count the remaining days we have with our children, we will realise how few there are. This awareness will help to safeguard us from neglecting a tender love.

As I once heard someone say: “It’s only a snap of the finger from diapers to tuxedos and wedding gowns.” How well I know this to be true. My three daughters are already married. It doesn’t seem that long ago when I cradled them in my arms for the very first time.

by Carolyn Mahaney
Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother

The Mouth Trap

2006-08-28T07:57:00.001+12:00

An unbridled tongue has the ability to result in great interpersonal difficulties.
By Jill Briscoe

There is so much we can do with our tongues for good or for evil. Jesus said, “Whatever is in your heart determines what you say. A good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words from an evil heart” (Matthew 12:34-35).

I think all of us at some time or other have wished we could cut out our untamed tongue! A friend shared one of those moments with me. She belonged to a small church in England way out in the country. The parishioners had problems attracting visitors. They would try this and that, but nothing seemed to work. Then one day to their delight, some visitors came. There were just three of them, two women and a small child.

The fellowship my friend belonged to did not have a minister of its own as it was not large enough to support a preacher, so they had ‘pulpit supply’ each week. This particular day, the preacher was awful! My friend felt excited about the newcomers but watched them looking around and fidgeting. She said to herself, “Why did they have to come this week?” As soon as the service was over, she rushed up to them and said, “I’m so glad you’re here. We just love having visitors, but I just want to apologise for the guest speaker. They’re not usually quite so boring!” One of the women smiled a tight smile and replied, “That’s my husband, and this is his sister.” My friend’s mouth dropped open, and she mumbled, “Oh dear, I’m so sorry.” And the lady said bitingly, “I’m not!” And that was that. Many of us have had a problem with “foot-in-mouth disease” to a lesser or greater degree. James tells us that genuine religion should and must affect the tongue.

We have just enjoyed a visit with two of our twelve grandchildren. As a proud grandma, I think the six-year-old is a perfect six-year old, and the four-year-old a perfect four-year-old. They are “perfect” for the stage where they are. Being a Christian means that our speech will reflect our spiritual maturity. Even a six-year-old can control his tongue. You might not think so, but in my experience a six-year-old who is told not to say a naughty word has the ability to avoid saying it.

Paul, writing to the Corinthians, said, “When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child . . . When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me” (1 Corinthians 13:11). He was saying in essence, “One day I grew up.” Unfortunately, there is a childishness about some Christians. They are still talking like little kids. They may have been Christians for years and years, but they have never grown up spiritually. You can tell that because they cannot control their tongues.

We have in us an innate propensity to use our tongues to speak evil because we are evil at heart. Even though Christ has through grace brought His nature into our lives, our old sinful nature gets out of control sometimes and predominates. Therefore, we need to ration our words.

“With the tongue we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God” says James 3:9. Impure language takes many forms. One of the forms is gossip – the needless repetition of someone’s real or imaginary faults or intimate details of his or her life. Somebody says, “Don’t carry this any further; it needs to be confidential.” But you do carry it further – often to the very next person you meet. “A gossip goes about telling secrets, but one who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a confidence” (Proverbs 11:13). What we all need to do is to be trustworthy and to say, “I’ll find something nice to say or I won’t say anything at all.” Gossip so often causes the innocent to suffer and the forgiven to wonder if they really have been forgiven. Because gossip has to do with malice or retaliation, it gets under our skin.

If you are the victim of a malicious tongue – it is not your tongue that has been causing the trouble – what do you do then? Well, the Apostle Paul had been on the receiving end of gossip, insults, and false accusations, but he was able to say to the church in Corinth. “I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court: indeed, I do not even judge myself . . . It is the Lord who judges me” (1 Corinthians 4:3-4). He does not say that he is innocent of any wrongdoing, but that human judgment is fallible, so he is not going to let people’s criticism get to him.

When I am criticised, I find it helps if I consider the source. Sometimes my critics have an axe to grind. Perhaps they are going through something really difficult themselves, and I just happened along at the wrong moment. Paul said, “I don’t worry over what you think about this (whether he was a good servant of God)” (1 Corinthians 4:3). It all depends who the you is. In Paul’s case, he considered the source and realised he was being attacked my jealous and hostile people who were caught firmly in the mouth trap. Paul committed himself to God, who judges the motives of human hearts. I can safely trust God when I am criticised because He knows why I am being and how I feel about it in my heart. He is scrupulously fair. If my conscience is clear, I can safely leave the whole matter with Him, knowing He will defend me one day. I do not need to pre-empt the last judgment! So if I am being judged by a fellow human being, I do not need to judge back. There is only one judgment seat, and it is most thoroughly occupied!

Another misuse of the tongue is slander. A slanderer finds fault with the demeanour or conduct of others and spreads innuendoes and criticisms about them. According to James, this kind of talk is “full of deadly poison” (3:8). “The poison of vipers,” echoes Paul, “is on their lips” (Romans 3:13). There is always a bit of truth in slander, and that is what makes it so dangerous. It is an exaggeration of faults, a colouring of circumstances. Though perhaps no direct falsehood, by leaving out some details and including others, it is a thorough misrepresentation of a person’s motives or actions.

You can stop slander by saying something like, “Now, we don’t really know all the facts, do we?” Or you can say, “Why don’t we find out what really happened?” Or “Let’s go and ask the people concerned what really happened?” Remember that the devil is often spoken of as “the accuser”. We must be careful not to do his work for him.

If “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34), the only course we can follow is to spend much time alone with our Lord Jesus, so that our heart is filled with an abundance of His love and wisdom. A cup filled with sweet water cannot spill one bitter drop, even when jogged. Whenever people heard Jesus Christ speak, they exclaimed, “What gracious words!” May they always say the same of us.

Jill Briscoe serves as executive editor of Just Between Us and has an active speaking and writing ministry that has taken her all over the world. For more than two decades, she and her husband Stuart have ministered at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wisconsin where Stuart is senior pastor. They have three children and twelve grandchildren.

Excerpt from 8 Choices That Can Change A Woman’s Life by Jill Briscoe.

A Heart of Contentment

2006-08-22T15:31:00.001+12:00

The Shunammite Woman
2 Kings 4

Never did the Shunammite woman slip a bill under Elisha’s door during his stays at her family’s home. She had no reason to because the account never changed.

Room $0.00
Board $0.00
Balance Due $0.00

Deeply touched by this godly woman’s hospitality, Elisha wondered aloud to his servant, “What can be done for her?” Perhaps Elisha’s servant had been pondering the same question since he too, had been blessed by her graciousness. He said: “She has no son, and her husband is old.”

“That’s it! A son for her to love, who will care for her in the future! Call her in now!” Elisha exclaimed. Then he announced to this generous but childless woman, “About this time next year you shall embrace a son” (verse 16). And it happened just as Elisha said: She conceived and bore a son. In the words of the psalmist, “He maketh the barren woman . . . to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD!? (Psalm 113:9 KJV).

The story of the Shunammite woman has a happy ending, but please don’t miss its remarkable message: Apparently this precious sister was content even before she had children. She seems content to dwell with her own people, content to live her days without children, content to lavish her love upon her husband, content to extend her welcoming care to the likes of Elisha and his servant. In this godly woman we sense no bitterness or regret about how her life is going. She had apparently “learned” to be content.

Nevertheless, she undoubtedly knew ecstatic joy at the birth of her infant son! But she had learned greater lessons in the days and the decades preceding that wondrous event. Surely this woman had learned that . . .

. . . contentment is understanding that if I am not satisfied with what I have, I will never be satisfied with what I want.

. . . contentment is realizing that God has already given me everything I need for my present happiness.

Learn the lessons this woman learned and know a heart of peace and contentment. Then, right where you are, praise the Lord whatever your circumstances!

by Elizabeth George

Happiness at Home - A Sure Cure for the "Housewife Blues"

2006-05-28T14:43:00.001+12:00

Happiness at Home – A Sure Cure for the “Housewife Blues”

Love our families as we may, all of us as Christian wives and mothers have felt frustrated at one time or another. My greatest joy and happiness is in serving my husband and our daughters. Even so, when days go by and all I seem to accomplish is dressing the babies and doing dishes, I have to admit to feeling frustrated. After all, I reason, isn’t there something more I can do for the Lord than this?

But the Bible says in Titus 2:4-5 that we are to love our husbands, love our children, and to be keepers at home. Why? “That the word of God be not blasphemed.” We can serve the Lord in no greater place than our own homes. With this thought in mind, here are some practical ways in which we can overcome the “housewife blues.”

1. Set aside time daily for the Lord. Nothing else can give the peace and strength that the Word of God and prayer do. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (Psalm 119:105). Even a few minutes every day will bring great wisdom and strength.

2. Regularly spend time teaching your children. Teach them about God, nature, and personal skills. Whatever your children’s ages, they are eager to learn. You would be surprised at how quickly even small children can memorise Scripture. The Israelites were commanded to teach their children God’s Word (Deuteronomy 6:5-9), and if we will do the same we will reap wonderful dividends. How wonderful the Lord is to give us homes and families to care for!

3. Reach out to others from your own home. There are so many things you can do to help others from your home. Why not determine to write a missionary family each month? You can be certain that your interest will encourage them as they serve the Lord. Do you know any sick or house-bound people who need your love? It only takes a few moments to send a card. Or perhaps you know some lonely young mother who would just love to come to your house for coffee. The gift of helps is as real as any other of the gifts (1 Corinthians 12:28).

4. Acquire a hobby of your own. This should be anything you enjoy which you can work on occasionally. A wholesome hobby will give you enjoyment and a sense of self-worth. A change of pace can be very restful. Jesus told His disciples to “come ye yourselves apart . . . and rest awhile” (Mark 6:31). You will be more eager to tackle your household tasks after having a diversion from them.

5. Witness to everyone you can. Even without going away from home we meet many people to whom we can witness. Determine to witness to the mailman, the paper boy, and anyone else who comes to your door. The Lord will send them by, and you will win some to Him.

6. Involve yourself in some spiritual activity at your church. The opportunities are many: Sunday school teaching, children’s church, visitation, choir. Christian service will provide a fulfilling outlet for what the Lord is doing in your own life.

7. Keep your priorities straight. Priorities are so important! We all like to keep a neat, clean house, but when the baby is sick and needs you to rock and hold him, he deserves priority over your housework. Your happy, fresh outlook and cheery attitude toward your family also deserve priority over housework. In trying to keep up with everything, you may become so fatigued that you act like a grizzly bear when your husband comes home. The Lord, your husband, your children, and your own well-being need to be your highest priorities. Settle this fact in your mind and do not allow yourself to become frustrated when other things must give way to them.

8. Develop patience. So many things happen every day to upset our schedule, and we must learn to take them in stride. Are you patient enough to answer all those why, why, why questions without irritation? Are you patient enough to consistently discipline your toddler who never seems to learn what “no-no” means? Do you give your older children the patience and understanding they deserve? “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience” (2 Peter 1:5-6).

Remember that you are making an investment for the future. The very idea of investment is one of putting something away which brings high returns – not immediately – but in the future. There is nothing greater that Christian women can do for the Lord (or for the world) than to “love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God be not blasphemed.”

Read the account of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 and you will find that this woman’s primary interest was in making her home what it should be for the Lord. If we will love our children and faithfully teach them the things of the Lord, they will grow to serve Him and will turn many sinners to salvation. Our future rewards will far outweigh any sacrifice we make today. Consider how blessed you are to be serving the Lord, and God’s blessing of contentment will come in response to your gratitude.

by Cathy Harness
Faith for the Family. January 1982

NOTE:
As this is the only article I have read from Cathy Harness please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.

The Secret to Supporting Your Husband

2006-04-30T21:51:00.001+12:00

Today’s husband often faces enormous pressure. He must cope with earning a living in a fluctuating economic climate; he must be a good marriage partner in a world where exactly what that means is hotly debated; he must attempt to help raise his children in an environment possibly much more complex than the one in which he grew up.

Your husband needs prayer! It is possible for him to be a stable husband and father in an unstable world. Proverbs 31 clearly states the impact a godly wife can have on a husband. One excellent way to have such an impact is to pray regularly for your husband; another is to pray with your husband.

What Are Some Things to Pray About?
“Dear God, please bless Jim and be with him at work today” seems vague and dutiful compared with sincere intercession in any or all these areas:

1. Pray for his spiritual growth. If your husband does not share your faith or is experiencing spiritual struggles, you’ll obviously want to be praying for him.

But husbands who appear to have a strong personal relationship with God need prayer for their spiritual life as well. Pray for your husband’s private prayer life to become deeper. If he’s involved at church, pray for his effectiveness in ministry.

Pray that his relationships with Christian men will provide accountability and opportunities for growth in his life. The more you pray, the more you will think of to pray about.

2. Offer meaningful prayer for your husband’s job situation. “Meaningful” is a key word here. The better informed you are, the more effectively and sincerely you can pray.

As much as you need to unload your own day’s headaches, be sure you also listen to his. (This doesn’t mean turning the whole evening into a gripe session, but just tuning in to why he feels the way he does at the end of his workday!) Ask questions about his job (within the bounds of confidentiality for certain professions). Read up on his field and ask him how what you’ve read pertains to him.

It is easy for me to pray knowledgeably for my husband because he is self-employed and I work for him part time. (He is a photographer; I read his appointment book and pray specifically for each job.) It may be harder to stay informed in other situations, but it does help to be interested.

Even if you don’t know details about your husband’s job, you can pray for his success at his projects, his ability to resist temptation, his witness to others and for the development of positive relationships with his supervisors or with those who work for him.

3. Pray for your husband’s physical health and safety. This is obvious, perhaps, if his job involves manual labour or if he has an illness, but even if your husband’s job involves no more physical activity than sitting behind a desk, physical health and safety are still areas in which you need to uphold him in daily prayer. Financial and job-related pressures often manifest themselves through physical problems.

4. Pray for your husband as a family leader. Today’s family often goes in 10 directions at once. Pray that he will have wisdom in building relationships with your children, in discipline and in modelling a godly life.

5. Pray for your husband’s relationship with you. We sometimes forget that our husbands don’t automatically realise what our needs are. Bolster sincere efforts at communication with prayer for your husband.

These ideas barely touch on the possibilities of prayer for our husbands. Hopefully they will serve as a springboard for further development!

Next to your relationship with God, your spouse is your most valuable treasure. Sincere, effective prayer time is an investment in helping him determine and achieve his spiritual, practical, financial and physical goals. The impacts of such an investment on your family and even in the kingdom of God is immeasurable.

by Cindy Thomas
Virtue. March/April 1989
Cindy Thomas from Harrison, Ark., is a freelance writer, piano teacher and mother of one. Cindy assists her husband in the operation of a part-time business.

NOTE:
As this is the only article I have read from Cindy Thomas please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.

Hospitality in a Busy World

2006-04-06T10:02:00.001+12:00

Dear Sisters in Christ

Welcome to the March edition of Heart of the Home – a monthly e-mail with articles or snippets of books I’ve read, to encourage and challenge you as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way your live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.

The March Edition is hot on the tails of the February Edition due to being away. I thought the following article would be a great follow-on from last month’s issue on whether hospitality is an Option or Command. This month’s article comes from more of a practical perspective and so I pray that you will be spurred on to put into practice the biblical principle to “share the needs of saints, practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13).

If at any time you would like to be removed from my mailing list, please reply to this e-mail with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.

Yours for His service
Sereena Shailer

Hospitality in a Busy World

Growing up in a missionary home in Brazil, I considered hospitality a normal, everyday occurrence. People were always showing up at our house, even unexpectedly, for everything from a meal to a month or more of free room and board. We had a guest room; but when the guest room and the two sofas were full, my sister and I gave up our beds and slept on the floor.

Besides the biblical injunction to “practice hospitality”, Brazilian culture dictated that if someone knew you, belonged to the same denomination, had a letter of recommendation from his or her pastor, or was a relative of someone you knew, he would surely, when passing through town, be a guest for as long as necessary.

My mother had a way of dealing with those who overstayed their welcome without asking point-blank when they were planning to leave. After two or three days, she stopped preparing Brazilian food and served only American meals. Most of our guests sought refuge elsewhere once the rice and beans vanished.

As a child I became wary of sharing only if a child guest (or two or four) broke my toys. Otherwise, having every bed in the house filled (plus some mattresses on the floor) added to the excitement of daily living.

Later I learned a few tricks of my own to make life easier. My Brazilian pastor-husband and I had a refuge ministry in which hospitality was a fact of life. Sharing a meal was no big deal – a roast chicken for four quickly became chicken pie for ten; I could whip up a good meal in half an hour and was glad to do so if compliments and help with the dishes followed.

Showing hospitality and entertaining are not the same. Entertainment is spending time doing things with a view toward satisfying our own desires – creating conditions for fun and relaxation. Hospitality is offering hospice – shelter, food, protection, health and healing – and many times will be far from fun.

When we left a 20-year ministry and came to the States for further study, we learned what it means to be on the receiving end of hospitality. A minister and his wife, whom we had never met, opened their home to us until we could find a house. What we thought would be about two weeks became almost three months. Yet John and Nina Yenchko never made us feel unwanted. We were anxious to be independent, yet they continued to make us welcome.

I would like to continue practicing hospitality with a cheerful heart, but our situation is different from when we lived in Brazil. It seems like everyone who knew us there finds our home here a haven en route to and from our native land. I work full-time outside the home, try to create a nurturing home environment for my family, juggle a couple of courses, and try to be serious about writing. There isn’t much time to develop a gift of hospitality. Our house is spacious, but we don’t have enough chairs, dishes or blankets to make guests comfortable. Still, seldom a week goes by without them. Just how should I practice hospitality? What are some biblical guidelines?

Biblical Guidelines
In commanding us to “share the needs of saints, practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13), the Bible does not say “when convenient” or “when it won’t disrupt your regular plans.” Many a wife declares she can’t practice hospitality because of the expense or the taxing of strength. True, there are times when families need to be alone to develop and mend, but a home built on the Rock should be a beacon and shelter in a stormy world.

When I think of inconvenient guests, I remember Jesus’ need to withdraw after the murder of His cousin John the Baptist. Yet when He saw that the crowds had followed Him around the lake, He compassionately ministered to them, for they were like sheep with a shepherd (Mark 6:30-43). Sometimes an open home with be desperately called for when we ourselves are most exhausted, depressed and hungry!

The context for Paul’s practical instructions about hospitality and living with other people is his description of a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God. The “hospitality verse” in Romans 12 is sandwiched between “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” and “Bless those who persecute you” – a realistic injunction if you have helped others and been disappointed by their backbiting and ungratefulness.

Paul suggested that one of the conditions that make widows eligible for help and recognition is that they be known for their good deeds and hospitality. Likewise, the bishop or elder above reproach must be hospitable (1 Timothy 3:2; 5:10; Titus 1:8).

What is it like to open your house to strangers and discover you have entertained angels? On one occasion, when we were the strangers, I had a glimpse of being cared for by angels! We were sent to be hosted by a couple well into their eighties. I gingerly stepped as if on eggshells as we approached their doorstep. Our children were 14 months and four years old, my husband spoke little English, and we had been shifted from another place by our hosting church.

Misgivings melted when the white-haired angel opened her door and greeted us with a resonant “Welcome in the name of the Lord Jesus!” My heart skipped for joy as I learned that she had been a European immigrant welcomed into a Christian home and now glowed with the knowledge that she was serving us as unto the Lord. Tears still brim when I remember that rare and priceless reaction to our inconvenient stay. I learned a lesson in love.

I wish such lessons would permanently change our attitudes toward hospitality in difficult times. Though we have usually opened our home, I remember with shame letting it slip out that having some guests was a burdensome expense to us while they waited for their home to be made available and shopped for luxury items. Resentment often crept into my “doing good” – a far cry from Peter’s reminder to “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). I had not learned the grace of covering a multitude of sins with love (v. 8).

We are not to be doormats on which people wipe their feet, but footwashers! When Jesus took the towel and basin and began washing His disciples’ feet, He clearly stated what He expected and why. We can verbalise with our guests our willingness to serve, our commitment to the Lord’s priorities (which include family before strangers), and what we can or cannot do for them. Mealtimes, schedules, cleaning up and other aspects necessary for living in our household must be clearly explained. If the guest is unwilling to adapt to our home-style, his stay is shortened. I must be flexible, though, and don a loving, forgiving spirit for survival as a human being. Jesus declared that he who would not let Him wash his feet would have no part with Him.

Abigail was a wise woman who let love cover a multitude of sins. Her hard-working hospitality in a treacherous situation saved her neck and the lives of hundreds and had the triumphal ending of marriage to King David (1 Samuel 25).

When to Say No
Yet we will not be faithful stewards if we care for God’s family and neglect our own household (1 Timothy 5:4-5). There are times when we must say no or not now to requests for hospitality.

1. When it unduly strains the marriage. If we are married, our partner is a responsibility second only to our commitment to God.
2. When it hurts a family member. Children and spouses are often neglected or pained by thoughtless guests or a foolish host or hostess who forgets his/her first love.
3. When it becomes unaffordable or totally depletes family resources. Sacrificial giving and living must be delicately balanced with responsibility to our own time, physical resources and finances.
4. When a guest is using you. Paul’s gladly spending himself and being spent toward the soul of the Corinthian church was in the context of not becoming a burden (2 Corinthians 12:15).

How can we practice biblical hospitality in the 20th Century? With the solicitousness of Martha and the personal interest of Mary of Bethany. With the generosity of the woman who broke her alabaster box and the strength to serve that only God provides, so He alone will be praised (1 Peter 4:8). We may not be as cunning as Rahab (I doubt that you will be called upon to hide your guests under piles of flax), but we can glean wisdom from the Source for each special situation. Our homes can be warm, caring places that show God’s love to the stranger as well as to those we love. We will exercise and develop patience while practicing hospitality. Someday we will be permanent guests in God’s eternity. That will be quite a bustling, joyful home!

By Elizabeth Charles Gomes.
Confident Living 1990.

Elizabeth Charles Gomes has translated 35 books from English into Portuguese, published a book on the ministry of pastors’ wives, and worked alongside her minister husband as editor and translator for Refugio Publishing House in Brasilia, Brazil.

NOTE:
As this is the only article I have read from Elizabeth Charles Gomes please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.

Hospitality - Option or Command?

2006-03-15T13:58:00.001+13:00

Dear Sisters in Christ

Welcome to the second posting of Heart of the Home – a monthly e-mail with articles or snippets of books I’ve read, to encourage and challenge you as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way your live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.

Last week Nigel and I returned from two weeks in Los Angeles for Nigel to attend the Shepherds’ Conference at Grace Community Church. The Lord blessed us with a wonderful time again this year – sitting under the teaching His Word, reuniting with past seminary classmates and their wives, professors, our church family in Los Angeles, and spending time with the Kiwis who came with us from church@riverbend and Hastings Bible Church.

While in Los Angeles we had the privilege of receiving true hospitality from many people and in various ways. It was an encouragement to us and we truly thank the Lord for His working in our lives in this way and for the people He chose to use.

If at any time you would like to be removed from my mailing list, please reply to this e-mail with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.

Yours for His service
Sereena Shailer

Hospitality – Option or Command?

Everyone seems so busy these days that showing hospitality is often pushed aside.

We had only recently moved from a quiet country town to a nearby city for a year of further studies. After the trauma of being uprooted and replanted I was eagerly anticipating many new experiences, adventures and friendships. I was not disappointed. Life in the city was exciting! There was always lots to see and do, and there was a special joy in renewing old friendships of former years. But somehow the new friendships just did not seem to be developing as I had hoped.

At first I only sensed the feeling, but then one day I actually heard the words articulated clearly, “But we really can’t afford to have people in . . . and it takes so much time to bake and clean and prepare for company . . .”

The words were spoken by my next-door neighbour, but they somehow seemed to be a sentiment common to so many caught up in the mainstream of life in a bustling metropolis. Times were hard. Life was busy. How could one possibly afford to invite others into their home? I was stunned, and my heart ached. It was not that I had never heard such sentiments uttered before, but usually they had come only as subtle suggestions whispered in careful confidence. Never had the words been spoken so plainly or hit with such sudden force. It was time to do some serious soul-searching. How did I really feel about this matter of hospitality? Was it simply an option to be taken or left – a pleasant pastime to be engaged in as time and money permitted?

Old-fashioned Hospitality
The answers seemed so obvious to me, for I had grown up in a humble home where the door often swung wide to welcome others in. They came as solitary souls or in happy family groups. Some came by special invitation, and others just dropped in unexpectedly. But whatever the case, they were always assured a warm welcome and a hot cup of tea. Sometimes there was popcorn by the fireside; other times, picnics by the seaside. But indoors or out, we shared what we had with joy and gladness. This was hospitality as I had always known it, and I loved it!

It is this same brand of old-fashioned hospitality that my husband and I have sought to practice in our own home for the past 16 years. I like to call it hosting with a happy heart, for it involves opening both our hearts and our home to others. As we have done this, the blessings have poured in and there have been countless rewards. I am not surprised however, for Jesus promised that there would be rewards when He said, "He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward; and he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward. And whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you he shall not lose his reward" (Matthew 10:40-42).

Yes, experience had confirmed to my own heart that hospitality was indeed a rewarding undertaking, and the Bible had assured me as well. But what else did the Scriptures have to say about this topic. Was there more?

Hospitality Illustrated
Turning again to the Word of God, I was not disappointed. I discovered many passages giving vivid illustrations of true hospitality.

As I read through Genesis 18:1-8, I could so easily picture Abraham and Sarah scurrying about to prepare for their unexpected guests, strangers to their home. Laban was another who provided for his visitors with warmth and generosity, even going the second mile to make sure that their animals were comfortable too! (see 24:29-33). And who could forget the poor Shunammite woman who opened her home to Elisha the prophet (see 2 Kings 4:8-17), or Mary, Martha and Lazarus who provided a similar haven for Jesus? All of these were individuals who shared gladly with others, and they were blessed.

I continued my search and was soon digging with delight into a multitude of New Testament passages. In 1 Peter 4:9 I read, “Be hospitable one to another without complaint” (or murmuring or without secretly wishing you didn’t have to!). Then Titus 1:8 and 1 Timothy 3:2 both speak directly to church elders, admonishing them to be given to hospitality, and more than this, to be lovers of hospitality. In her book, What Is a Family? Edith Schaeffer made some interesting observations regarding these particular verses when she wrote: “It won’t be easy to be a lover of hospitality toward a variety of personalities, some of whom may come barging in without sensitivity and appreciation, but there needs to be a recognition that, before the Lord, we are meant to be striving for that kind of attitude. First Timothy 3:2 says that one of the things an elder needs to be (among other things) is ‘given to hospitality.’ Since he is also to be ‘husband of one wife,’ this is to be an open home, with the wife having a part in the hospitality!”

Searching on, I discovered tucked away in Romans 12:13 the simple little statement, “contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.” There it was again! But this time it was part of the grand book of Romans and an integral part of the renewed mind and life of Romans 12.

In Hebrews I unearthed a real gem of a verse which reminds us, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it” (13:2). Angels in my home? I doubted it; but the Bible said that to those who take in strangers, it is indeed a real possibility. That was exciting!

As Edith Schaeffer so beautifully points out in her book, Common Sense Christian Living, our Heavenly Father has made a practical way for us to not only minister to others, but to serve Him at the same time. This was wonderful!

Obligation and Privilege
So I had searched and found abundant evidence – enough to convince my own heart and mind – that hospitality was far more than an option. For the committed Christian it is a scriptural command, an obligation and a privilege. For me as a woman it is a special gift to be exercised in my home as a means of ministry to those in need. For any wife in ministry it is a God-given opportunity to support and encourage her husband in his work.

Yes, I was convinced, encouraged and blessed. I now better understood the source of the joy that I experienced in showing hospitality. It was not merely a matter of feeling rewarded for having loved and served – the sentiment expressed by Edward Gloeggler when he wrote: “Hearts that open to the love that is God, feel loved in loving and served in serving.” I knew what he meant.

But beyond this I now understood that the deepest source of my joy came from simple obedience to a command of scripture. This could bring me gladness even when the door closed behind my guests without a word of thanks ever being offered. It was at such times that I could rest assured that my Heavenly Father was looking on and smiling His approval, for it was He who said, “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments, and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full” (John 15:10-11).

In this assurance my heart was glad. I was confident that what I had always felt was indeed true.

But what about my next-door neighbour? She was a Christian. Could I explain all this to her? What should I say? Or was there something I could do?

I soon decided that little I could say would change her mind. For I really did not know her that well. In fact, I had never even been in her home, though we had moved in next door several weeks before. During those weeks our children had become well acquainted, playing together with abandon in the common side yard that we shared. For them there had been no barriers to friendship. But with Karen it somehow seemed different. She was friendly but reserved. I longed to know her better, but I waited in vain for an invitation to her home for even a cup of coffee.

Thus it was that I decided that I must take the initiative. It was brilliant fall afternoon when I knocked timidly on her door and asked if she would care to accompany me and my one year old on a walk around the neighbourhood. She seemed surprised, but readily agreed. So we set off, revelling in the vibrant warmth of that autumn day. As we walked we talked, and she opened her heart to me like a flower to the sun. She freely shared with me some of her fears, frustrations and financial pressures, and I listened. Now how was I to respond?

The answer was not long in coming. I must open my heart and my home. Here was a family that needed to be surrounded with love and shown some real hospitality. So my husband was consulted and our two boys as well. Plans were laid, and the phone call was made. Could their boys come and spend the night at our house? And why not bring the rest of the family over for a visit too? Karen hesitated only briefly and accepted. I hung up the phone and started in popping corn and heating hot chocolate. It was a simple evening of sharing simple things. There had been no fuss, no big expense; but there was the blessing of new friendships begun as Scripture was obeyed.

We were only in the city for twelve brief months, but during that time our friendship blossomed into a thing of rare beauty. That fall day had marked the beginning of a special relationship in which we both shared many joys and sorrows and more than one cup of coffee.

By Lynn Keller Gamache. March 1986; Good News Broadcaster.

As this is the only article I have read from Lynn Keller Gamache please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.

The Love of Christ for the Church

2006-01-31T20:45:00.001+13:00

Dear Sisters in Christ
Welcome to Heart of the Home – a monthly e-mail with articles or snippets of books I’ve read, to encourage and challenge you as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way your live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.
If at any time you would like to be removed from my mailing list, please reply to this e-mail with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
Yours for His service
Sereena Shailer

The Love of Christ for the Church
Not only does marriage mirror the unity within the Trinity, it reflects the mystery of the oneness between Christ and each member of His church (Ephesians 5:31-32). The oneness we have with Christ is borne of love. When you responded in faith and entered a love relationship with Christ, you became one with Him. You are His bride. Think of it, Christ, the eternal Creator and Sustainer of the universe who lived in resplendent glory for all eternity with His Father and the Spirit in heaven becomes one with you. What a staggering thought! This love of Christ is the second model for the ministry marriage.

We love Him because He first loved us. This love is exclusive. Jesus alone is to be worshipped and adored as our heavenly Bridegroom. It is permanent and relentless. Nothing can separate us from His love – not the trials and cares of this life, not differences, not independent thinking or acting, not anything else that appears to be more loveable or attractive. This same devotion is to be our model in human marriage. It is to be broken only by death.

Imagine the joy that could be ours if our foremost goal in our marriage was to mirror the kind of love that Christ demonstrated for His church. Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us (Galatians 2:20). That is the goal that is placed before our husbands in Ephesians 5:25; as wives, we should likewise exhibit sacrificial love. The older women are “to admonish the younger women to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4).

Have you found that marriage magnifies your own selfishness and desire for going your own way? I have. We have to learn to love sacrificially like Christ. When we were first married I memorized 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 – a passage that gives God’s description of love’s attitudes and actions. I prayed that God would help me to exemplify those qualities in my love for the wonderful man He had given me. I have to keep returning to this passage over and over again. It convicts me and puts me on the right path. If I want to have a good dose of conviction, I will fill in my own name and see if it fits in the place of love. When I see it doesn’t then I need to ask God to produce that love in me.

Love is patient, love is kind. Do I go out of my way to do kind things for my husband? Do I use the same kid, patient tone of voice with him as I do with others on the phone?

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Even when he gets all the praise and thanks, do I rejoice in his accomplishments, remembering that we are one?

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. Am I excused to be irritable and touchy at certain times of the month? Do I complain and want things the way I want them, when I want them? Do I rejoice in opportunities to sacrifice so that he can pursue his calling?

It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Do I hold grudges? Do I take offense and wear my feelings on my sleeve? Do I have pity parties?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Do I have evil in myself and work hard to kill sin? Do I pray for my husband’s sanctification and rejoice to see God work in His life?

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Am I loyal even when the church shrinks or the ministry fails? Do I believe the best about my husband or grow suspicious? Do I trust that the God who allows riches or poverty, sickness or health, peace or persecution is the One who will cause all things to work together for our good as we become more than conquerors through Him who loved us?

Love never fails. Does my husband know that I will stand by his side anywhere through anything until death parts us, or our Saviour returns?

With Christ-like love, marriage can be a foretaste of heaven on earth.

If you ever feel the temporary urge to give up on your marriage because your husband doesn’t love you like Christ loved the church, then remember that God’s love is out of His grace and not conditioned on our worthiness. He loved us while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8). It is most important that you love him no matter what. Love is the fruit of the Spirit. His love never fails. Love is the most important thing in the world. Love is the only thing that will last forever. Everything else will pass away – faith to sight, hope to possession, but the love of Christ is stronger than death and will endure forever. It is the one thing that will never fail.

Having your ministry fail or any other severe trial can put a strain on your marriage. If that is the case, you should get help as a couple in that kind of situation. That help should include biblical counsel and support from godly friends who will encourage you, and support you, and hold you accountable. Your marriage is more important than your ministry. If that fails, all else crumbles with it.

This extract comes from “One with a Shepherd: The Tears and Triumphs of a Ministry Marriage” by Mary Somerville (Kress Christian Publications, 2005), pgs. 98-101.

Welcome!

2005-11-22T16:31:00.000+13:00

This blog is going to be where I will store archived articles that I have sent out to my Christian family and friends. These articles are for the purpose of encouragement and challenge as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way you live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.

2005-11-01T21:04:00.000+13:00

Clipart on this blog created by: